User blog:Nectaris7/Zettai Kyōfu Purei

I probably haven't told you how much I hate Coronavirus...

For the first, I cannot meet my lover (they wouldn't let me into the hospital where he works, and I wouldn't want them to gossip anyway).

For the second, most surgeries were deleted or delayed for unknown time. It concerns also my spinal cord, which was damaged in November 2019. The surgery isn't complicated, but it's not a life-threatening situation. Losing the control over your constrictors and the whole humiliation is "not enough to operate".

For the third, if you don't want to acquire COVID-19, you should vaccinate yourself. What I did.

Several months ago, my parents got vaccinated. My mother went through the hell, suffering from quasi-influenza symptoms. My father had no such side effect.

Lately, both my brothers also got vaccinated, without any side effect.

And, at last, so did I yesterday (05.05.2021). And I suffered like my mother.

Diarrhoea and vomits weren't the worst thing. The scary part was a fever, and a pain in my chest (real influenza actually affects the heart). I live alone, so I was aware that if something happens to me, nobody will help me. I was afraid that if I go to sleep, I could never wake up.

But the worst was apnoea and choking on my own saliva. It happened several times during my sleep - I suddenly started suffocating, so I instinctively sat up, half-asleep, to cough and then fight for every breath.

I'm identifying with Buddhism, because of its rules, which I consider more humanitarian than in monotheist religions. But I'm not a believer.

However, last night... I prayed. Hotoke-sama, allow me to survive this night. Give me some more time on Earth. I'm not ready yet, because I have too much unsettled matters in this life (like reconciling with my lover, and returning to my job as a doctor, and maybe working together?).

I know that most people don't die from quasi-influenza symptoms - people die only from real influenza, including early SARS from a deacde ago and now SARS-COVID-19. Which I want to avoid.

I know that now I sound like panicking old wife. But... it was one of the worst night in my life. I don't wish such fear to anyone. I know that "fear" is not enough to describe this feeling, the more appropriate would be Japanese word Kyōfu, including "fear, dread, horror, terror, dismay" etc.

However, I'm live and trolling again, so I can even consider taking another shot in two months from now... along with the benefit of inventory (quasi-influenza symptoms).

I don't know why exactly I'm sharing this experience. Maybe I'm just glad that I'm alive.

PS. "Zettai Kyōfu Purei" is a Japanese horror from 2005, known as "Pray". I used this title, because it was more appropriate than "stupid virus". "Zettai Kyōfu" means "ultimate fear", and this part actually happened to me, alongside some prayer.