User blog comment:Necator7/Open Heart, Book 1/2 - Vote of Confidence/@comment-37434202-20191209064203/@comment-36277500-20191209213636

Thanks, Jadelady, but I'm afraid nobody would like to be my witness. In my country, court trials are longing ages, and people who aren't close to me, wouldn't like to bother be "pulled to court" during those ages. People in my country are too egoistic to risk their own careers for a stranger. You know, other one's wound doesn't hurt etc. I'm afraid that only thing in my country what's for free is a slap across the face (there is such saying, I don't know if I translated it good)...

And it's quite funny, because my GP also asked me if I would like to uproot to US or non-EU country. Well... I have autistic brother and my parents are getting old (and in my country adult austists hardly get professinal care)... I cannot left them like that. And I hate competitiveness. So I'd like to save that as very last extreme ending.

Since the appeal in the court (June 2019) and appeal to the Ministry of Medicine (spring 2019) still gets unanswered, I have to play with Council's rules. Their version is that I was psychotic, I had to get treated in a mental hospital and yet after that I can ask for another hearing. The truth is: about dozen years ago, I suffered for posttraumatic disorder after a severe bullying in med school, and earlier I was molested as a 16-year old girl. In 2016-2018 I was bullied also during my residency. After I complained too much, the bullies digged in my past, then found I had PTSD. Then they wrote a delation to Medical Court that I'm "behaving strange", and convinced them that I'm a psycho. This accusation was later proven wrong by two consultants of psychiatry (one PhD and one Professor, and both of them work at Medical University). But the Medical Council believed people from my ward, who "witnessed" my alleged psychotic behaviour. Later it became clear to the Council that they were lied to, but they didn't want to lose their faces, so they suspended me anyway.

For those who aren't acquainted with psychiatry: PTSD is a light disorder, classified as "anxiety & neurosis" group. While schizophrenia is a heavy disorder of the psychoses' group. Psychosis is a contraindication to surgical specializations, while neurosis/anxiety isn't. Also, the Council promised me "medical secret", while actually every consultant of this specialty knows my case...

There were many mistakes during the whole procedure, no proofs of my abnormality, and only witnesses were the bullies from my ward (every bully states that the victim is mentally ill, it's a trend lately)... But the bullies had a colleagues in the Council. I love my country, but many offices in it are deeply corrupted.

In Wednesday afternoon, I'll go to Medical Chamber with my lawyer (and my mother to support me). Officially "there were reasons to suspend, and those reasons ceased". Unofficially, those reasons didn't exist. I just have to play nice, but simultaneously give them a message that I won't be anyone's scapegoat, and I won't allow anyone to call me "psychotic" when I proven to be mentally healthy. Though I was unjustly punished, I bear no grudge against Council or anyone. I just want to get back my good name and residency. Such behaviour - polite, but assertive - needs will of steel, a lot of courage and stamina. I'm naturally nervous, and this circumstances made me extremely anxious.

Sorry for this long and quite multithreaded post. I'm just scared. What if they will be too stubborn to admit they were wrong? What if they will be mad for the article in newspaper? What if I chicken out and start to stutter, so I'll be implausible? What if I blurt too much and the public will not like it? I always had big mouth...

I have antidepressants and sedatives from my therapist, but I'm still on the edge.